


Cruel Summer

by PetalsToFish



Series: TaylorxJily [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Lovers to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Order of the Phoenix (Original Team(, Wizarding Politics (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25682869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToFish/pseuds/PetalsToFish
Summary: Lily Evans broke up with James Potter before graduation in an effort to keep him safe. She ought to have known that no one is safe, not in war. One year later and they're working in the same underground team fighting old feelings and Death Eaters. It's a cruel summer, it's true.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: TaylorxJily [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1512740
Comments: 12
Kudos: 84





	Cruel Summer

James lifted her chin with one finger and he whispered, "I'm always waiting on you..."

Lily woke up cursing another fever dream in the quiet of the night. Lily sat up quickly, eyes popping open and erasing any trace of the boy with the hazel eyes. Instead, she was greeted by the loneliness of her small flat. It was a gentle reminder, if not painful, that Lily wasn't anywhere near her breakable heaven. She pressed her hand to her forehead, as she played back the scene in her mind.

She'd been back at Hogwarts, going to class like a normal 17-year-old with a boy on her arm. She remembered his laughter, something that haunted her even now, twelve months later. She remembered his smile no matter how hard she tried to forget it. He always came back to her in her dreams. It was a fucking nightmare for Lily, considering she was trying _really_ hard to not still be in love with James Potter.

Outside Lily's open window, she heard the birds waking up which meant it was almost dawn. Lily pushed the covers off her legs and stepped onto threadbare yellow carpet that looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in years. Living in a flat above the Cokeworth library meant many things, but it mostly meant that Lily's place was not exactly up to date with cosmetics. She had rodent traps under the sink, a barely working loo and a broken heating unit keeping her company as she crossed the one bedroom flat in no time at all. She yawned as she pulled milk out of the small fridge and drank it straight from the bottle. The cool liquid felt nice on her throat and she willed herself not to drink it all. She couldn't afford to go grocery shopping until the week after next.

Lily worked downstairs in the library, sorting books and upkeeping records. It wasn't glamorous work by any means, but it gave her a free place to live and a meager salary. Lily expected she'd be able to leave the job in a few more years, once the war in the wizarding world died down. Lily might've been a fully educated witch, but she was in no way prepared to take on the corrupt Ministry of magic for a job when she came from a family of muggles. There were wizards in that society who would kill Lily simply for being alive.

Lily fell into the chair by the sink and leaned her head on the countertop. Ever since she'd graduated Hogwarts and left behind her friends…most importantly her boyfriend James…Lily had been living day to day in her hometown. She wasn't at risk in Cokesworth, seeing as she was the only magical person for miles besides her ex best mate Severus who she sometimes saw around town. They pointedly ignored each other, something Lily was at least thankful for. As far as Lily could tell, Severus was avoiding the magical world as much as she was.

Lily hated it though, all she wanted to do was walk through Diagon Alley and go shopping in all her favorite stores. She wanted to brew potions and fiddle with charm work. It was so boring, being a muggle, and Lily couldn't wait to get back to magic. The only problem was that no one wanted to take a risk on her since she came from the nonmagical world. She'd applied for hundreds of jobs in the last six months and received a rejection for all of them.

Now, to top it all off, she was dreaming of her ex-boyfriend.

She'd broken up with James Potter the last week of school, determined not to let him put himself in danger simply for her. James wasn't like Lily, seeing as he was a descendent of a noble pureblood line. He was safe from prejudice unlike Lily and therefore he was able to get a job and have a career. The only thing holding James back was Lily, because everyone knew he was dating a muggleborn.

James hadn't cared but Lily knew it was a problem. She'd seen his rejection letters from quidditch recruits and the Auror Academy. No one wanted to take a chance on him while he was happily engaged to a muggleborn. No one wanted to have to rehire his position when he was killed by heretics for loving Lily.

All in all, the last few weeks of the relationship were rough both on Lily and James. He was prepared to go to war for her. She wasn't prepared to lose him when the Death Eaters got wind that he was fully intending on marrying her that summer. Even Lily knew that any relationship between them would lead danger to James Potter's doorstep. His parents were already so old, and she didn't want to cause any trouble for the Potter family.

The shiny ring on her finger was came with a price that Lily just wasn't willing to pay. James didn't let go of her hand without a fight that involved Lily throwing her engagement ring at the back of his head, telling him that she didn't love him anymore. He'd caught it before it hit the floor and she'd never forget the twist of betrayal on his face as their story, turned into tragedy. They hadn't spoken to each other since the day of Graduation and Lily wondered if it was still killing him, like it was killing her.

Lily stood up and leaned her head out the window over the small sink to see if her owl was sitting on the chain link fence that surrounded the library. Scarlet wasn't anywhere she could see so she closed her window before the summer hair grew thick with humidity once the sun came up over the ridgeline.

Every day was the same day for Lily. Wake up, go downstairs to unlock the library then start sorting the books and papers. Lily's only other companion was an older woman named Peggy who manned the front desk of the small library that attached to the small Cokeworth primary school. They both operated in similar fashion, taking pride in their daily work with the children or adults who came in. Peggy used to do it all alone until the city hired Lily, now they split the work fifty-fifty. Lily liked Peggy, if only because the woman was like the grandmother she'd always wanted. Peggy sewed Lily dresses and made Lily dinner a lot of the time. That morning, Peggy had brought in donuts for Lily.

"They're a bit stale," Peggy told Lily apologetically, "but Mr. Richardson at the bakery was gonna throw 'em out and I knew you'd still eat them with your tea."

Lily happily dunked the donuts into her tea as she got to work organizing the science fiction shelves. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground, her second-hand pink dress floating around her knees, when she saw someone stop at the end of the aisle out of the corner of her eye. Lily placed a book into its place before turning her attention to the guest with interest. Then, she dropped the remainder of her donut into the teacup at her side.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Lily asked, standing up to catch the glowing blue eyes of her old Headmaster.

Albus Dumbledore was at her library. A literal wizard was inside a muggle library, looking right at Lily. Lily reached into the pockets of her dress, one finger pressing to her wand, which lately had been discarded in favor of books. She eyed the wizard carefully, not willing to trust her eyes when she knew a war was going on.

"What did I say to Albus Dumbledore before I left Hogwarts?" she asked calmly.

Blue eyes echoed kindness, "you told me that you wished you could stay."

She walked up to her old Professor and laughed excitedly before she wrapped her arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug. Dumbledore laughed at the show of affection and patted her on her shoulder, making her relax just a bit as she pulled away.

"What are you doing here?" she exclaimed, "how did you know where to find me?"

Dumbledore kept one hand on her shoulder as he said, "I have my ways, how are you Miss Evans?"

"I'm okay." Lily said, tilting her head at her mentor from Hogwarts, "but I still don't understand—why are you here?"

Dumbledore motioned for her to follow him. She followed him through the stacks of library books into a back room that she'd only been into once. The face that Dumbledore knew it was there, that surprised her even more. Her heart skipped a beat as Dumbledore closed the door while Lily turned on the light, illuminating a storage room used to cassette tapes. She kept her hand on her wand. Dumbledore adjusted his glasses as he looked her up and down carefully.

"It's been a while," he said.

"A year." Lily replied, "I was just thinking of Hogwarts this morning."

"Professor Slughorn mentioned to me last week that, in your last letter, you were struggling to make ends meet."

Lily tucked her red hair behind her ear and swallowed, "well, yes, but it's not so bad. The city pays me to live on property, so I don't have rent."

"What if I offered you the chance to work for me?"

Lily took a step back into a shelf, "like at Hogwarts?"

Dumbledore shook his head no, "no, you'd be working personally for me and my program that works underground in the war effort. I can pay you fifty galleons a month and you can keep your job here at this establishment."

"What would I be doing?" Lily asked.

"A number of helpful things," Professor Dumbledore explained, "I remember you have a good standing in potion brewing and charm work, so mostly jobs that involve those aspects of magic. I'd have you on call, which means you need to be ready to disappear from this lovely little town at a moment's notice. Normally operations underground don't last longer than twenty-four hours as long as everything goes according to plan."

Lily crossed her arms, fully leaning into the shelves as she comprehended just what her old Headmaster was offering, "so, you want me to come help you fight the war underground?"

"Yes." He was quick to the point, always, something she appreciated, "I'm in need of a potions analyst and charms specialist, as well as someone who's not well known in the Ministry."

"But I'm muggleborn." Lily blurted out, "if no one wanted to hire me then why are you so willing?"

Dumbledore smiled, "I don't need you to be anything except what you are, Miss Evans. I understand you come from a muggle background, but your reputation precedes you and I could really use your help in ending this war."

"It'll be dangerous, won't it?" she assumed bravely.

"War is never simple or easy."

Lily chewed on her lip, knowing he was truthful. Dumbledore had never given Lily a reason not to trust him, in fact, he'd been Lily's mentor in school. She wanted the war to end too, so maybe this would make it end quickly. She could help, even if it meant putting herself in certain danger. She always said she wanted to help fight, if it meant she could have a place in the magical word. Certainly, working for Dumbledore could fulfill her need to get back to magic.

Lily looked up and stuck out her hand to Dumbledore, "what the Hell," she said as they shook hands, "I've been getting bored of playing muggle anyways."

Dumbledore beamed at her, "perfect, you start tonight."

"Tonight?" Lily repeated, "Where? When?"

Dumbledore whipped out a piece of parchment and passed it to her, "don't be late."

Lily opened the parchment up to see a hasty scrawl of an address for a place in southern Scotland. The only other thing written on a slip was the time of six at night. She looked back up to ask if she should bring anything special, but Dumbledore had disappeared, leaving her alone in the storage room. Lily pressed the parchment into her bra for safekeeping and continued on with her day as if nothing changed.

By the end of the day, Lily was jumping at the bit. She locked up behind Miss Peggy and then made her way up to her flat, only pausing halfway up the staircase to check a mousetrap. Inside her flat, Lily changed into her nicest robes, a set that had been a gift from her friend Mary MacDonald. She opened the window incase her owl decided to come back while she was gone.

She really didn't know what to expect but she was jumping at the bit to find out more.

She wished she had someone to talk too. She'd grown apart from her school friends, simply due to living out a muggle-like life. Most of her muggleborn friends also went into hiding and all of Lily's pureblood friends…well she'd distanced herself for their own sake.

Lily made sure to grab her potion notes from school before she walked down the road to a safe apparition spot right behind the old jewelry store. She was prepared for Scotland to be as hot and muggy as home, only to appear in the midst of a thunderstorm in front of an older cottage covered in dark green ivy. Lily raced through puddles towards the cottage, blocking her potions notes from the rain. The house looked old and Lily wondered if she'd be working on brewing potions with an older witch or wizard for Dumbledore's underground movement. There was a light on in the window next to the door and when she knocked, she thought he heard a bit of laughter die down.

She squeezed water from her hair, glaring at the Scotland sky for soaking her in seconds. The door opened and she almost fell back in surprise when she saw who was standing there. The woman was taller than Lily remembered in school and had colored her hair blond, but her brown roots were showing.

Alice Fortescue tilted her head at Lily kindly, "Dumbledore said he was going to recruit you, nice to see you Evans."

"Hi," Lily managed to say, despite her surprise, "do you work for Dumbledore too?"

"Yes," Alice took Lily's wrist and brought her into a warm hallway, "in fact, a few of us are here for a meeting, which is why Dumbledore asked you to come tonight. He wants to you meet your team."

Lily pulled her wand out to dry herself off as she asked Alice, "how long have you been working underground for Dumbledore?"

"About two years," Alice confessed, "my boss recruited me, as well as my husband."

"Husband?" Lily said, "congratulations!"

Alice waved Lily's congrats away playfully, "thanks, it was a small wedding and his family still pretends it never happened."

Lily finished drying herself off and looked around the small entryway. There were no pictures on the walls but there were spaces where it looked as if pictures had floated. Alice led Lily though the narrow hallway and into a wide kitchen where at least ten people were cramped into. Everyone looked around when Alice walked through the door, only for their smiles to widen in surprise when Lily walked in behind her.

"Evans!"

"Lily!"

" _Holy shit_."

Lily was first bombarded by a blonde woman in a red tunic, someone she recognized with one look. Marlene McKinnon fell against Lily and the pair crashed into the doorway, both of them screaming unintelligible words at each other. Lily almost felt like crying as she hugged her best friend from school. Lily had never thought she'd see Marlene McKinnon again.

Lily buried her face into Marlene's curly blond hair as she exclaimed, "it's so nice to see you!"

"I missed you!" Marlene cried, "where the Hell have you been the last year?"

Lily only laughed, removing herself from Marlene's grasp only to be pulled into a hug from someone else she also never thought she'd see. Remus Lupin's dark hair had grown lighter since she last saw him at Graduation. He had a few more scars marring his young face too, something that was prominent when he pulled back in the dark light of the kitchen.

"Remus Lupin, how are you?" Lily asked her old friendly kindly, "I've missed our chess dates."

"We'll have plenty of time for that now that you've joined the Order." Remus said happily.

"The Order?"

"It's called the Order of the Phoenix," Marlene enlightened, "We're an underground team fighting Death Eaters in the war."

Lily let go of Remus to look around the small kitchen and see several other familiar faces from school, as well as people she didn't recognize. Remus and Marlene introduced her to Frank Longbottom (Alice's husband), Alastor Moody, Fabien Prewett, Aberforth Dumbledore, Anita Warwick, and Seamus Allen. The others in the room Lily knew from school, but not very well. Lily settled in-between Alice and Remus as the meeting started, hoping they could answer any questions she might have as the night went on.

The meeting was full of back-and-forth conversation Lily could hardly keep track of. The current mission, it seemed, was intercepting the dangerous trade of poison that was being used to kill muggles in droves. They had a team of three underground right now, working the black market and trying to figure out where the poison was being smuggled in from.

"Once we get the artefacts suspected of harboring the poison," Moody, the auror who seemed like the boss of the group was explaining, "Miss Evans will deconstruct the properties and create an antidote."

Around her, people smiled at Lily like she was the answer to their prayers. Lily realized that Dumbledore had truly sought her out for a reason. They needed a potioneer who wasn't afraid to take risks. The night went on and Lily was able to gather important information about the Order she'd joined.

Dumbledore's small army operated out of two safe houses, including the one Lily was currently standing in. The other safe house was in Hogsmede, at the Shrieking Shack. The meetings were once a week and alternated between safe spots. Lily was a part of the group that stayed oblivious to the other side. She had one of the safest jobs, it seemed, as she'd be working outside of the Ministry. Others, like Marlene and Remus, worked in the Ministry and were spies who could be killed by a Death Eater at any moment. Even more dangerous were what Moody called raiders. It seemed that raiders went underground on the black market and into the inner circles of purebloods to find out secrets and weapons.

Based on what she heard about raiders, Lily was thankful that she wasn't one. She was also thankful that her best friend from school wasn't a raider. Lily had just gotten Marlene back and couldn't imagine having to worry about her friend even more than she already did. Marlene seemed to feel the same as Lily because she clung tight to Lily's hand the whole night. When the meeting was over and Alice started serving a quick meal for everyone, Marlene dragged Lily over to a stuffy old couch in a sitting room.

"I'm so happy you joined the Order." Marlene exclaimed as the girls held hands on the couch, "Emmaline's in the order too but I hardly ever see her!"

"Emmaline!" Lily gasped at the mention of her other friend from school, "What does she do?"

"She works in the health sector." Marlene said, "she helps get our raiders in and out of the hospitals."

"Cool," Lily breathed, "And you, you work at the Ministry?"

Marlene nodded, "it's gotten worse, most departments are controlled by You-Know-Who."

Lily's shoulders dropped, "So the war isn't close to being over?"

Marlene shook her head no, "we're trying to get a new Minister of Magic into power, one who sympathizes with muggles, but politics is messy."

Lily rubbed Marlene's arm, "I'm sure you all are doing the best you can, given the circumstances."

Marlene smiled once more, "I'm happy Dumbledore got you, I've been worried about you sick since after Graduation. What have you been up too?"

"Hiding in Cokeworth?" Lily admitted pitifully, "I work at a little library."

"Well, it's better there." Marlene assured her, "any muggleborns hired in the Ministry have been sent to Azkaban or straight-up disappeared."

"That's terrifying." Lily furrowed her brow, "do you know what happened to Mary?"

"MacDonald?"

"Yes."

Marlene shrugged, "Last I heard, Mary married a Cattermole and they've managed to keep her away from prosecution."

Lily blinked twice, "what's prosecution for?"

Marlene rolled her eyes, "they're saying muggleborns stole magic wands and that its illegal, so they're locking them up on false claims."

"Great." Lily hissed, thinking of all her muggleborn friends, who, like her, were in danger.

Lily and Marlene talked for two hours. Marlene only ended their little meeting in the sitting room because she had to go on a shift at the Ministry to help the raiders working underground. Lily and Marlene hugged tightly before they said goodbye again. Lily was leaving when Moody, the Auror with the gruff voice, stopped her before she could disappear.

"Hold up, Evans."

Lily lowered her wand and eyed the old Auror with interest, "was there something I needed to do?"

"Actually, I wanted to see if you could stop by tomorrow, after your job." Moody explained, "I've got two raiders coming in with some possible artifacts containing poison."

"Yeah," Lily said instantly, "of course I'll help."

Moody nodded before saying, "I hope you like Scotland, Miss Evans, because from now on this house will be your second home. I need you to fully commit to creating antidotes for the poison and as our only resident potioneer, you'll be working alone a lot."

Lily tucked her hair, wavy from the rain, behind her ear, "so you want me to work out of this cottage?"

Moody crossed his arms as he explained, "I prefer to know where everyone is, in case of a spy leaking information that could get us all killed."

Lily felt chills rise up her arms, "you don't think anyone would sell us out, do you?"

"It's a war." Moody looked out at the roadside where rain was still falling in sheets, "anyone will sell you out if the price is right."

That night, Lily slept with her wand at her bed and her doors and windows locked. Lily caught on the workings of the Order pretty quickly. After work at the library, she went right to the safehouse in Scotland to work on dissecting artifacts brought in by raiders. Lily never saw any of the raiders, as most of the time they dropped things off while she was at the library. Lily worked in a room on the second floor of the cottage that had been converted into a potions room. There were cauldrons galore, several burners and lots of bottles of abstract things for her to use.

"Where did all this come from?" Lily asked Marlene one late night while she worked and Marlene wrote letters to family, "cauldrons aren't cheap."

Marlene looked up from the letters she was writing and offered Lily a shrug, "the wizard who owned this house before, he was a potioneer."

"Who lived here before?" Lily murmured, "What happened?"

Marlene grew reluctant to talk, as if she were hiding something, "oh, uh, I think he died."

Lily could tell something about the old man that made Marlene uncertain, so Lily dropped the conversation, focusing instead on the dragon feet she was dissecting.

In the last two weeks, Lily had been given the oddest assortment of things to examine and search. The order raiders weren't one hundred percent sure there the poison was getting shipped from, or through, and so they snuck hundreds of items off the black market. Otter claws, Egyptian sneekscopes, dragon mucus and pigs' brains were the most recent things she'd had to work with. Needless to say, Lily's new job wasn't boring in the slightest.

She was working at midnight on a Friday when she heard a commotion from downstairs. It was normal for Order members to pop in and out, but she heard shouting coming from the kitchen and a bunch of swearing going right along with it.

Alice was downstairs as the guard for the night, so Lily was unsurprised to hear her exclaiming, "what the Hell?"

A deep voice rose to meet Alice's, rising through the floorboards confidently, "those devils got him in the chest as we were leaving the scene!"

Lily stood up to go help when she heard Alice exclaim, "get him on the table!"

Lily raced down the stairs, forgetting that she was supposed to be focused on her work only. She could tell by the moans and shouting that someone was genuinely hurt, and Lily wanted to help. She slid in her socks into the old kitchen to find Alice leaning over a boy who was bleeding from his chest thanks to several large gashes. Another guy was leaning over the injured man, using his wand to close up the wounds best as he could.

Lily rushed in, rolling up the sleeves of her old sweater, "how can I help—"

Alice didn't look up, but the man currently acting as healer did. The sight of the man standing there made Lily almost stumble right into the table. Hard grey eyes, sharp cheekbones and beautiful long black hair were hard not to recognize after looking at him for seven years straight. Sirius Black stared at Lily; shock echoed on his face just like hers. Then the man on the table moaned and they both looked down.

Lily covered her mouth to hold in a strangled scream.

The man currently bleeding out on the kitchen table was none other than her ex fiancée, James Potter. His black hair was longer than it used to be, almost touching his shoulders. His eyes were closed behind his crooked glasses, which were covered in his blood. The gaping holes on his chest seemed to loom much larger as she pulled out her wand and started preforming a healing charm without questioning anymore.

She was not going to let James Potter die on her watch. She'd die before she let him leave her alone in the world. Sirius didn't question her as she jumped right into action and he started healing James as well. Alice was trying to clean the blood off his body. As she worked, Lily wondered what James had been doing. She wanted to know why he wasn't taking care of his parents. He was covered in blood. What was her ex-boyfriend doing working for Albus Dumbledore? He was putting himself at risk after she gave up everything to keep him safe.

It took Lily and Sirius an hour and a half to close up his wounds. They both sat on the floor when they were certain James was holding his blood again, exhausted from their work. Alice made herself busy at the stove making tea. Once they had a few sips of tea in their system, Sirius surveyed Lily over heavily lidded eyes.

"What are you doing here, Evans?"

"I'm the Order's potioneer." Lily said, "What are you two doing here?"

"We're raiders for Dumbledore." Sirius pulled out a bottle of brandy from his pocket and added it to his tea, "we've been working for him for about six months or so…"

Lily processed this as she sipped her tea and watched James breathe in the table. They hadn't moved him yet; his wounds were still healing. She curled her knees to her chest as she realized that she'd broken up with him and he'd still jumped right into the war, willing to die.

Didn't James know that Lily didn't want to live in a world that didn't have his laugh?

It broke her heart to have to watch him teeter on the line of life and death.

Didn't he know she lied to him, to try and _save_ him?

She felt the tears coming on and that gave her time to put down her teacup before she ran out of the kitchen and onto the muddy street. She ran and ran as tears poured down her face until she stumbled halfway across the field outside the cottage. Her fingers dug into the soil and she saw the blood on them, James' blood. Suddenly she was very aware that she'd just had to save the life of someone she swore that she'd marry someday.

Lily threw up in the field and shook miserably under the dark full moon. She didn't go back to the safehouse until she had her emotions under control. Even then, she didn't go back into the kitchen. She couldn't look at James or Sirius, for that matter. Sirius knew all the awful things she'd told James to get him to let her go. Lily snuck through the garden gate so she wouldn't alert anyone of her presence. She grabbed her things from the potions room and then ran home.

Lily scrubbed the blood off her hands and threw her clothes in the trash when she finally got home. She made herself tea, but nothing was calming her nerves. Nothing Lily did got the image of James, pale and lifeless, out of her mind that night.

The next day was Saturday, so Lily took her time in the morning before she made her way to the safehouse in Scotland. When she got there, Frank Longbottom let her in. He looked tired but clapped her on the back as she headed up the staircase to the second floor. Lily kept her head down as she walked to her room of potions and cauldrons, trying hard not to wonder where James and Sirius had gone.

She shouldn't worry about them; it would only make her more upset. Lily dove into her work to try and forget James. Sadly, it kept bugging Lily that she didn't know if James had survived the night. Only fifteen minutes after she arrived, Lily walked down the staircase timidly, ears trying to pick up a sound other than the potions bubbling upstairs. The kitchen was empty, although the blood on the table hadn't been cleaned away from James' accident. Lily's skin grew cold and she grew more concerned. Her pace quickened as she made her way to the sitting room.

Lily let out a sigh of relief when she found Frank sitting on the floor beside the stuffy red sofa. Resting above Frank's left shoulder was James. He wore nothing but boxers, likely to account for all the scars all over his body from the attack. Frank was sleeping and didn't notice Lily tracing James up and down with her eyes greedily, feeling as if she'd been starved without him.

James' scars were bright red and inflamed, indicating infection. Lily took the initiative to go back upstairs and start brewing James a healing potion created exclusively for blood loss and infection. The potion took her two hours and lots of effort but when she finished it and took it downstairs, she was glad she brewed it. James' scars had gotten worse and he looked like he was sweating from fever. James was still asleep, but alone now, as Frank was in the kitchen talking to someone in low tones.

Lily knelt down on the floor and dipped a clean cloth into the small pot she'd transferred her potion into. Once the cloth was soaked by the orange juices, Lily dragged the cloth across his abdomen and chest. As she worked, she considered how many times she'd touched him so intimately as his equal and now, she was touching him as a stranger. Under the cooling effects of the potion, James' face slipped into a peaceful grimace instead of a painful squint.

She always loved to watch him sleep. He liked to talk when he was sleeping and often, he would murmur about silly things that made her laugh. James was currently silent, lost in a nightmare of war and pain. Lily reached up with one hand and brushed his curls off his forehead gently. She still loved him, so much, and that was the worst thing about him reappearing in her life.

It was so cruel of life to placed him there in front of her looking so irresistibly broken. It was as if the world wanted her to feel the twist of the broken heart she'd never mended. Perhaps it was payback, karma for being a coward and telling him goodbye.

Lily stood up, bringing James' healing potion with her. She turned to find Sirius Black watching her with deliberate eyes. She froze, wondering how long he'd been standing there. Long enough, based on the hardness in his eyes.

"I made a potion to help with his healing."

Sirius crossed his arms over a black leather jacket, "thanks."

Lily ducked her head and raced out of the room, muttering a quick goodbye. She was not really sure what to say to the man who she had once considered to be one of her closest friends. Sirius had been at her side for some of her best moments and her worst. When James and Lily got engaged, they asked him to be best man. When Lily broke it off with James though, Sirius had taken it just as hard as James. The tension between Lily and Sirius was something she could've cut with her wand; it was so thick.

She could practically feel his eyes pressing into her back as she went back upstairs. She knew he wanted to shout so many awful things at her. She knew Sirius probably hated her, James too, for everything she'd done. Lily kind of hated herself for all the things she'd said to get James to stop loving her.

She had tears slipping down her cheeks as she looked for poisons amongst bloodied hippogriff feathers. The feathers were what Sirius and James had stolen from a black-market trade. Lily hoped she would find some trace of poison on them if only to make James' injury at least be validated. Sadly, she found nothing and was left feeling worthless and sick to her stomach.

Lily didn't leave that night. Instead, she took up residence in the kitchen, occasionally going to the room where Sirius was guarding over James' limp body. They didn't speak to each other again, but Sirius watched her like a hawk every time she administered the potion on James' wounds. Lily couldn't blame Sirius for being so intense, but she wished he would just get the shouting over with, so they could move on.

At three in the morning, Lily was woken up from a nap at the kitchen table by Remus Lupin. She blinked sleepily up at his face in the darkness. He was only lit by the light over the small stove and he looked pale, sickly almost.

"Remus?" she licked her lips, finding them dry.

"How's James?" he asked swiftly, "I heard he got injured pretty bad in his last raid."

Lily had almost forgotten that Remus was also friends with James. They'd been friends as long as Lily and Remus had been. Lily grabbed her potion and cleaning cloth. She motioned for Remus to follow her into the sitting room.

Sirius was curled up on one of the stuffy chairs near the sofa, snoring softly. Remus sent his old friend a small adorable smile before frowning at the sight of James passed out on the sofa. Remus inspected James' wounds, using the lamplight despite it not really showing the true extent to James' pain. Lily knelt down and started applying more medicine on James' wounds as Remus groaned and fell into a sitting position beside Lily on the floor.

"How long as he been asleep?"

"A long time." Lily swallowed thickly, "he lost a lot of blood, Remus."

Remus shot a look over to where Sirius was still sleeping, "I take it Sirius hasn't left James' side?"

Lily shook her head as she worked, "would you expect any less?"

Remus put his face in his hands, "I was so scared when I heard."

"Yeah," she managed, "you two are still close, then?"

Remus rubbed his forehead like he had a headache, "as close as we can be in a war."

Lily understood that too and didn't speak again. At least Remus didn't seem to hate her for breaking James Potter's heart. Lily didn't think Remus had it in him to hate anyone though. Lily only reapplied the potion once more around six in the morning before she decided to go home and sleep for real. James was being watched over by Remus, who agreed to keep applying the potion so Lily could get some sleep.

Lily didn't make it back to Scotland until Monday night. She knew that James had to be awake by now and she worried about what his reaction would be to seeing Lily. Sirius had probably already told James she was in the order, so really it was only a matter of how he would react to seeing her again after all this time. For that reason, Lily didn't make it to the safe house until late at night. Her tactic worked and she made it upstairs without coming across James or Sirius.

She worked diligently to find the poison as more artifacts were brought in. She stuck to her little lab upstairs and didn't venture farther. She knew James was awake, she heard him groaning a lot whenever someone helped him to the loo.

She was a coward, she knew it, but she would never forgive herself for what she'd done to James.

May turned into June and Lily was spending more and more time in her laboratory. They were no closer to finding the poison let alone creating an antidote. Lily was trying to make makeshift antidotes to use in emergencies, but it didn't help that she didn't know the properties being used by Death Eaters. Her room grew warmer which each new potion she brewed, enough so that she'd taken to standing by the window as she examined notes.

That's how she spotted him for the first time since he woke up, out the window. It killed her to seem him feebly walking over to a bench and sitting down. He was recovering slowly from his attack, weak with every step he took. Remus or Sirius were always around, helping him work back up to a normal lifestyle. Today, Remus sat with him outside. Lily stared down at the garden, wondering if he was ever waiting for her to show below. James looked up at the window and she quickly pretended to be immersed in her papers. A red flush rose on her cheeks.

The summer grew hotter, muggier and harder. Fourteen muggles were killed in an attack at a University with poison that made their eyes leak blood and skin turn yellow. The side effects were common with many poisons, but Lily tried to find out how to reverse the effects before death overtook a body.

She was so into her work that she hardly noticed the tall form leaning on her door on July ninth, the beat of her heart the only thing she heard as she sketched out a new potion to try. She chewed on her nail as she read over her own notes, trying to figure out if she ought to change the recipe when he finally spoke.

"You still bite your nails."

He was lit up through the darkness of the hallway by the light of Lily's little potions lab. James' hair had gotten so long that his fringe covers his eyes. Lily itched to cut it, as she preferred it cropped more around his head like a halo. He had a shadow covering the jaw she'd kissed so many times in darkness at one in the morning. She lowered her hand from her mouth, unsure what she should say or do.

James swallowed loudly before stepping more into her study, "Sirius said you might have a potion to help me with these wounds."

Lily was flustered and it showed when she stood up and almost knocked her chair over. James was staring mostly at his feet, only glancing up at her once or twice. She walked over to him, examining his scars without touching him. She didn't think she could take touching him awake. His wounds were healing but they still looked inflamed.

"What's wrong?" her voice sounded foreign to her own ears.

"They're itchy." James said, "and I keep scratching the scabs open."

"Itchy means healing." She turned away from him quickly, so she didn't have to look into his eyes, "I've got potion to help with that."

She dug into one of the storage bins and pulled out a small glass jar filled with lotion that smelled of peppermint and oranges. She handed it to James, careful to extend her hand so much that their hands wouldn't brush. James let out a quick goodbye and then left as quick as he came, clearly as eager as her not to get in too deep. She hated herself for watching him walk away, fastening her eyes on his arse like she was still seventeen and in love with him. Well, at least like she wasn't seventeen. She definitely would never stop loving him, even long after he stopped loving her.

The tête-à-têtes between Lily and James remained quick, dotted with simple sentences and no eye contact. Slowly, Lily grew used to the new dynamic between them, realizing the least she could do is offer him a smile when she passed him in the hall. That made James smile a bit more too and then one morning, before the sun was even up, he brought her a cup of tea to work with.

Lily was surprised as he set the china down by her notes and she looked up into his eyes for the first time in ages. Hazel, his eyes were so hazel, and they always had gold flecks. She loved his eyes the most and could stare into them forever, if she had too.

"Thank you." She said kindly.

James ducked his chin, "I know you like to work over a cup of tea."

Of course, James knew that, he knew everything about her. Lily started getting tea from him every night. She'd say thank you and he'd say it was no problem. They existed together in that safehouse as separate entities that used to work as one. Then, James stayed in the room with her one night, fiddling with a box of dragon scales. Lily's senses were always heightened when he was around so the fact that he was standing near her only made her hands shake as she worked.

"I used to spend hours in here exploring all the drawers."

"What?" Lily asked, drawn from her head where she was daydreaming about a time when James' hands had been occupied someplace else.

James looked up from the box of dragon scale, "I said I used to love coming in here and exploring all the things my father had in the drawers."

Realization hit her like a freight train, "This— _this_ was your fathers' room?"

James nodded, placing the box down, "I gave the house to Dumbledore to use after mum and dad died."

Lily reached across her desk and grabbed his hand. It was the first physical contact she'd had with him in weeks and it sent sparks flying up her arm. James froze, looking at where her fingers had wrapped at his wrist. She didn't dare let go of him now, for fear she'd offend him.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured, "I didn't know about your parents."

"That's okay," he said, eyes tracing her face, "you couldn't have known."

It became a little easier after that night. James wasn't allowed to do much while he was still healing so he spent time with Lily upstairs. He sorted through the drawers, labeling things that weren't defined. Lily worked on potions for Dumbledore's order. By the end of July, they were working well enough together that they were having normal conversations.

"Where are you at when you aren't here?" James asked as he sorted doxy eggs.

"Cokeworth." Lily replied casually over her papers, "I work at the library."

"I never pinned you for a librarian," he teased, not looking up from his work, "you're too nice, nothing like the awful Madame Pince from Hogwarts."

Lily felt a small smile flicker up on her face for a moment, "Madame Pince only hated you because of the dungbombs you set off in third year."

"I don't know why," James scoffed, "it's not like I meant to do that."

"We both know that's not true." Lily shot him a look, "you were always getting in trouble for pulling pranks or getting into fights."

"True," he shrugged, "I was a bad kid, sometimes."

Lily put her chin on her hand, propped up by her elbow as she conceded, "you had your good moments too."

James lifted his eyes finally, meeting her look. He was unsure by her compliment and Lily knew it had to be so confusing for him. After all, she'd told him that she never really cared about him. She'd told him that she'd only gone out with him because she was bored. She'd broken his heart and here she was, breaking the rules she'd set for herself the night before she'd broken up with him.

A blue sense of sadness settled into her bones as she read the hurt behind his gaze. His vulnerability killed her and made her only want to need him more. He deserved so much more than her though, someone who wouldn't put him in even more danger than he already was thanks to his stupid reckless side that needed to cause trouble. James adjusted his glasses and the conversation dropped as they both got lost in memories.

The next day was Sunday. Lily and James took lunch out in the garden. James was getting stronger and taking more walks so once lunch was over the pair started walking through the fields. The summer sun beat down on Lily's back as they followed a deer trail into the woods where James looked for mushrooms and Lily dug for toadstools. It was the last day in July, and the sun was beating down on the couple as they worked.

James was working up such a sweat by the little cheek he took his shirt off and walked into the water. Lily was just as sweaty and walked over to put her bare feet in the water. James was laying down, letting the water rush over his mostly healed wounds. Lily sat down cross-legged, letting the water soak her jean shorts as she examined his chest.

"I think they'll ask me to go back to raiding soon." He murmured when he caught her examining the red scars.

Lily turned her cheek to catch his gaze, "aren't you scared to get hurt again?"

She was scared he'd get hurt again.

James threw his hands behind his head to lift his ears out of the water, his hair stayed plastered on his skin, "I know what I signed up for."

Lily only nodded, dropping her gaze to her toes. She dug into the cold creek bottom. Tiny fish barely visible to the eye raced paced their bodies. Bugs flew around their faces. Neither Lily nor James made a move to leave the wooded sanctuary. The sunlight filtered through the trees and bounced off the creek water, making the woods appear magical.

"Why did you come out of hiding."

His voice surprised her, after they went so long without talking. Lily looked over at him just as he sat up, water dripping from his every orifice as he put his face close to hers. It was the closest they'd ever been, in terms of proximity. Lily was trapped under his cool stare and she shrugged as she tried to think of an answer.

"I was bored of pretending to be a muggle."

"But you were safe." James argued, eyebrows raising a little at her suspiciously, "why would you risk it?"

Lily decided to echo his own words, "I know what I signed up for."

James' eyes grew darker as he realized she was mocking him, "I was never safe but, no one knew where you were."

"Never safe." Lily scoffed, hitting the water with her hand in irritation, "your bloodline says differently."

"The minute I sided with Dumbledore; I made my grave." James said, shrugging indifferently.

"No," Lily snapped, "the minute you got engaged to me, you dug your own grave."

James' head snapped up. The black ringlets of his hair fell into his eyes as confusion melted over his features, which was quickly replaced with realization. Lily sat very still under his glare, realizing what she'd just said. James opened his mouth only to close it again, he appeared to be trying out what to say first.

"What the Hell do you mean?" He finally said, eyes narrowing at her.

Lily sat tall, refusing to back down, "you heard me."

"I dug my grave for getting engaged to _you_?" his hand shot to his hair, pulling at the strands in a nervous habit he'd had since he was a kid, "What the Hell does _that_ mean?"

Lily looked down angry at herself for even saying anything, "nothing."

James' fingers grabbed her chin in an action he used to do when they dated. He forced her to look at him and see the pain etched on his face. Lily's heartbeat pounded in her chest. James' eyes scanned her face for the truth.

"What did you mean?" he asked intently.

"Nothing," she lied again, "I only meant that you didn't exactly follow the rules when it came to societal expectations, did you?"

James screwed up his face nastily, "you mean because I'm a pureblood and I dated you?"

"Oh, come on James." Lily stood up, letting the water rush off her skin, "you know damn well that dating me was a problem if you wanted a job with the Ministry!"

James stood up too, glaring something fierce at her, "well, it's a good thing you broke up with me, huh?"

Lily's chest fell like it was caving in on itself, "James—" her voice broke but he waved her apparent concern away.

"No," he said, "it's fine, I get it, you were bored of playing with me. Just like you got bored of playing a muggle."

He started walking away, only stopping to pick up his shoes. She called after him, but he didn't look back. Lily kicked at the water and cursed. James didn't come up to work on things with her that afternoon and it almost broke her heart a second time. She added a lot of tears to her brewing that night.

As if that summer couldn't have gotten even more difficult, James went back to raiding the next day. He didn't even say goodbye to her. She found out from Marlene who heard it from Alice. Lily was half expecting James to never come back to the house but then three days later, he showed up in her lab with a crate of potions supplies. She thanked him for the supplies and turned away, expecting James not to talk.

Then he grabbed her hand.

Lily froze, turning to catch his eye as he held onto her so she couldn't walk away. The air between them was electrified, daring Lily to get shocked. She breathed in and out slowly, surprised by his bold actions.

"I can't stop thinking about you." He said, "and I know it's long gone and there's nothing else I can do, but just know that I won't ever be able to stop worrying about you."

"James," Lily bemoaned, "do you have any idea how worried _I was_ when I saw you half-dead?"

James shook his head, still staring at their connected skin, "I imagine shocked, since you said you never wanted to see me again."

Lily hated herself for everything she ever said to James Potter. She hated herself for thinking she could protect him by breaking off their engagement. She hated that he looked so desolate and alone.

"Even though we broke it off," she whispered, "It would still break my heart if you ever died. It would still hurt to lose you. Nothing about that will ever change."

James looked up again with his burning eyes, "but I thought you never cared about me?"

Lily's lower lip wobbled, "I do care about you James, I just don't want to see you hurt."

James sniffed, "you say that now..."

Lily didn't know what made her lean up onto her tiptoes and press a kiss to his mouth. The room had already been hot, but it grew warmer as she swallowed her pride and kissed James deeply. She forgot how much she loved kissing him but because he was so swift with his teeth and tongue, she quickly remembered. James didn't waste more of a second before his arms were dragging her into his person and his hands were grasping at her arse like no time had passed.

She'd go back in time and change it all if she could, but it was too late. Her hands grasped into his long hair as she fell back into her desk. James helped lift her up and Lily's research papers fell to the ground as she wrapped her legs around his torso. His mouth was wicked against her own, making up for the lost time, no doubt.

Her hands felt the shape of his body as they snogged against her desk, growing comfortable in his arms far too quickly for someone who claimed to have never loved him. The summer air leaking in from the window by the desk made her sweat as his lips started traveling down her neck, biting at her skin. Lily tilted her head back and closed her eyes, melting against him in a way that she shouldn't have been.

"James," she whispered pathetically as his hands started working on her buttons and his mouth continued ravishing her neck.

James bit down on her pulse point before pulling back with longing in his eyes. His chest rose and fell as he scraped over the worry on her face. One of his hands reached up to brush her red hair from her shoulder. Her hands hadn't left his hair, she should've let go, but she couldn't. James seemed to sense her conflicted emotions.

"No rules," he said, "just this."

"No rules." She agreed dolefully as he fell back into kissing her neck.

He came back the next night, looking high strung before he sat in a chair and pulled Lily into his lap. Nothing about his body was new as they fell into old habits of kissing each other in dark corners and lonely rooms. He came back every night the first week of August and she let him kiss her until she couldn't breathe.

Then, one night, he didn't come.

Lily worked over her potions, scared that she'd hear that he was killed in action or injured again. She didn't sleep and she called out of work at the library. He didn't show for twenty-four hours and she felt herself start panicking. She paced her little lab upstairs in the safehouse until well after midnight. She grew more worried as she still heard nothing but silence from downstairs.

Finally, at half past too, she saw someone jump over the garden wall. Someone with James' hairstyle. Lily raced out of her room only to meet him on the landing. He was bleeding from a cut on his forehead and panting heavily. He looked up at Lily as he tried to catch his breath.

"Sorry," he said curtly, "I was being tracked, I think, so I had to come in without apparating."

"You scared the Hell out of me." Lily hit his chest, "I didn't know what to think."

"Sorry." He had the audacity to chuckle as he looked around, "are you the only one here?"

"Yes." Lily said, "everyone else is working on the Minister case."

Lily brought him to the kitchen to fix his forehead. As Lily patched him up, James explained that he'd been tracking a man selling unicorn horns when the man caught on. James had barely gotten out of the underground without getting caught. Lily listened intently as she used a healing charm on his forehead before lifting his shirt off his hips.

James arched a questioning brow at her, "I know we're alone, but moving kinda fast, aren't you?"

She rolled her eyes at him, "shut up and take off your shirt so I can check your old wounds."

"Fine, use old wounds as your excuse." But James did as he was told and tossed his shirt to the floor.

Lily leaned in to run her fingers along the deep red scars along his abs. James shivered under her touch and his muscles contracted. Lily breathed deeply as she slowly worked her way up his body until she reached his neck. When she finally met his gaze, all she saw in his eyes was a desperate need she'd once tried eliciting from him more than once in her life.

Lily wrapped one arm around his neck, then moved her other hand up his neck until her fingers traced his mouth. When her fingers moved away, he licked his lips and he put his hands on her hips in order to keep her close. The silence between them was deafening and she felt like the darkness was enveloping her into a false sense of security.

His voice cracked now, "would you indulge me, for old time sake?"

Lily kissed him and that was all it took. James leaned down and into her, lifting her up and onto his hips. She kissed her way down his neck as he started walking them across the kitchen. Her hips rolled persuasively against James before he could even make it out of the door, and he cursed. He pressed her back to the closest wall so that he could capture her mouth for a searing kiss. Lily felt like she'd just jumped off a broomstick as they snogged animatedly in the night.

James was using the wall as support, unyielding against her with each persuasive roll of his body. Lily's fingers explored his chest, feeling the new scars that had joined old ones on his skin. She tasted every corner of his mouth and every spot of skin. His hands were everywhere, never stopping their desperate roaming of her familiar body. She ached for him, every inch of him, as they quickly started pulling off his trousers. She slid off his hips when he finally was free of his clothes, dropping to her knees without a second of hesitation.

James fell back against the wall and she wrapped her hand around his length, giving him a few quick tugs before her mouth took over. It was lucky they were alone because James wasn't quiet. In fact, James was so loud that his voice seemed to echo off the walls as Lily indulged him...for old time sake…of course.

Still, she'd forgotten how much James made it worth it. She'd forgotten what it was like to be loved so wholly by one person. It made an ache emerge between her legs that she was forced to dampen with her spare hand. She couldn't help but whimper at her own physical reasoning and the action caused James to breakdown into her mouth only seconds later. Without his warning, Lily pulled back coughing, but her hand didn't stop moving over drenched cotton. In fact, she dropped lower into her hand as James slid to the kitchen floor, trying to recover from her speedy work.

She stared at his blissful face as she pressed harder against the fabric of her leggings where heat was practically pouring from. She closed her eyes because it wasn't enough, it wouldn't be enough with her clothes in the way. A sound from deep in her throat woke James up from his reverie and she was thankful when he started pulling her leggings down her hips. She stopped to help him at least get the fabric to her ankles before he grabbed her by her hips and pulled her closer. She straddled his lap as he used two fingers to catch how deprived Lily was. She was in heaven on the floor, getting off on her ex-boyfriend's hand but it felt so good that she didn't want it to stop. James kissed her again, quickly, then broke away. She was having trouble focusing on any one thing and she begged him to finish her off.

She let out a penurious sigh and her fingers drifted to help him, "talk to me, James."

James hummed against her neck, "sometimes when I get lonely at night, I think of you."

Her face was on fire, "me too, every time."

"I want you to come for me," he implored, "I want to feel you."

Her skin was slicker than melting ice thanks to their combined fingers. It was messy and out of control, but it was hot and mind-numbing all at once. Lily felt herself start quivering in her hands, a sure-tell sign she was close to her own finish. The tremors continued to spread, and Lily's toes curled as she came under his familiar strokes. They both sat in the dark kitchen, sweating and touching each other as they came down from an unspeakable high. It took them three hours to break apart. Then, two more hours just to say goodnight.

James snuck back to the safehouse the next night. He distracted her from her cauldrons, and she distracted him from his job. They fucked on a blanket below the open window in Lily's designated room. Two days later, and Lily had James pinned to a bed across the hall. By the middle of August, they had horrible habits they couldn't break.

Lily was fully committed to working for the order, but she was also fully committed to James. She thought about him way too often. She wanted to have sex with him any time she saw him. That made meetings with every in the order hard. Lily sat at the opposite end of the table as James, but it didn't help much. She still caught him staring and it just made her need him more. She was sad they weren't alone after the meeting. His hand brushed hers, their secrets keeping them together.

She was forced to go home alone and cold that night when James left suddenly with Sirius in a raid. She cried, drunk off the last of the whiskey in her flat. When Peggy asked her if she was alright the next morning, Lily said she was fine.

That wasn't true.

Lily worked on filing the magazines after lunch. Peggy had already left for the day, leaving Lily to hold down the library alone. Thankfully, the library was devoid of any person that wasn't Lily. Around half past one in the afternoon, Lily looked up to find James walking through the door and into her life. Lily barely was able to ask what he was doing there before his mouth was pressed to hers.

"I'm sad you didn't stay after last night."

"You had a raid."

"I got back an hour later." He replied, "and was disappointed not to find you waiting for me to shag you against your desk."

Lily grabbed onto his robes, smiling against his mouth as she pulled him into a dark hallway where there was nothing but an old vending machine and several chairs. James fell into a chair and Lily straddled him happily, kissing him under the glow of the vending machine. Lily fell into a pattern of kisses and laughter with him as they snogged away, James' hands happily buried beneath her top.

"Let me take you out." He begged against her mouth.

She ran her fingers through his hair, "you don't think we'll screw this up in these trying times?"

He nipped at her, "I just want you."

She rolled her eyes and leaned into him, rolling her hips into his enough that he bit down hard on her lower lip, "you have me."

"More than this," he was persuasive when he wanted to be, "I'll pick you up. You can forget your underwear. I'll forget my obligations. We can nick Sirius' motorbike and go find an old inn by the shore..."

'What will your friends think?"

"Why do you care?"

She whispered, "Sirius already hates me."

"He doesn't hate you." James scoffed, "He just thinks poorly of you."

She frowned, "because I broke up with you."

"More like _how_ you broke up with me." James disagreed, "you did say that you never loved me, and it was all a game."

"What if this is still a game?" she whined, adjusting on his thigh, "all we do is fuck each other in the dark."

"I'm better prepared this time." James tucked a hand to her cheek, "it won't feel so much like a knife in my back when you get bored again."

Lily winced, feeling her own knife twisting into her own back from his strategic wording.

She un-straddled him, pressing her fingers to her forehead, "I uhm, I have to get back to work."

James jumped up and grabbed her hand, "I'm only being honest with you."

Lily blinked back her tears, "I know."

"You broke my heart, Evans." He said sensitively, "and despite it all, a part of me still fucking loves you."

He cut right down to her bone with those words, making her bleed salty tears as she ripped her hand away.

"I'm sorry I broke your heart," she said, "if it makes you feel better, it broke mine too."

James grabbed her shoulder and turned her so that she was facing him, "how did it break your heart? You made it clear you've never loved me."

"For what it's worth, I've always loved you." Lily wiped away her tears as she admitted, "isn't that the worst thing you've ever heard?"

James looked up from his feet and now, he was grinning like a devil. His fingers were tight on her shoulder. His eyes were sharp and cutting into her with a sort of sting. The truth seemed to settle around them like dust. He leaned forward and she leaned in too, drawn in by his persistent touch.

He asked with a flicker of challenge in his eyes, "how long have you been keeping that a secret?"

"All summer."

James let one hand wrap around her hip to pull her back to him, "what a cruel summer."

And then he sealed their fate with a kiss that promised something new, not blue, just true.


End file.
